Today is Mother’s Day—the day we recognize mothers who come in all kinds of names, shapes, forms and faces: Madear, “Big Mama” (that’s my favorite), Mee-Maw, Granny, mothers-in-laws, sisters, aunts—whoever you recognize with those “motherly” qualities who make you feel like none other, who Maya Angelou describes as, “people who you may forget their names, but you never forget how they make you feel.” I hope you do a better job honoring that mother than this family I heard about did. They had a big dinner and afterward mom started to clean up. The father said to her, "Don't bother with those dishes, dear. Today is Mother's Day. You can always do them tomorrow.”
That’s no way treat those who are unforgettable mothers like 85-year-old Thalia Thornton, the New Jersey foster mother who has cared for more than 700 children in her 50 years as an emergency mom. She certainly remembers her unforgettable kids like Quimeesha Alexander who had spina bifida. Though she had issues with bodily functions, Thornton said, “It was a lot of work, but I enjoyed taking care of her.”
Real moms, like Mrs. Thornton, find an exceptional joy in caring for kids. Joy for children—not every mother shows themselves motherly that way. They make the claim, in name, but not in deed. How can you tell the real mother? Some “mothers worthy of honor” are easy to identify. Just go to their Facebook page and watch the faces of the children like Natasha and Angelina Bynum. Joy is on every face.
Just look at those smiles over the course of years since they were adopted as Russian orphans by moms, Janice and Theresa… through early years, to scary years, birthdays, vacations and graduations. There is no doubt some mothers show themselves motherly by the joy they make you feel.
Then, there are “moms” who are harder to identify. That was the challenge of the man considered the wisest man who ever lived—King Solomon. His wisdom was tested when he had to decide who was the real mother in 1st Kings 3:16-27. 1st King 3:16-27 is our Mother’s Day card today. We will see what a real mother may not be and what a real mother must be to be called “Big Momma. Will the real “Big Momma” please stand up?
First, the real mother that qualifies to be called “Big Momma” may not fit the world’s perception of a model mom. The backdrop story to our text is this: Two women came to King Solomon, both claiming to be the real mother of the same child after one of their two children was found dead. These two contending mothers did not fit the model of motherhood. Look at verse 16.
“…Then two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him."
They both were practitioners of the oldest profession.
The point is: Not every mother will fit the Harriet of Ozzie and Harriet; or the June Cleaver of Leave It to Beaver. These two women standing before Solomon were prostitutes. Let me remind you, so was Rahab of Jericho who helped the Israelites win their first victory in the promise land. She was also in the family lineage of Jesus in Matthew1. This is not a promotion for prostitution, but rather, a simple statement of reality, that sometimes life puts you in a position of “between-a-rock-and-a-hard place” choices where no option is a good option. So, before you judge, put yourself in the Matthew 7:2 paradigm of judgment that calls you to “judge others by same standard you want to be judged.”
If truth be told, we all have made the best choice we could make when we were in our worse time, but our choice didn’t fit the world’s standard. You might not have fit the world’s model of motherhood. But that doesn’t mean you are disqualified from having qualities that should be recognized and emulated.
The real mother may also not be in a traditional, ideal family model. Necessity required a communal living arrangement for these two women. Look at verse 17:
“…this woman and I live in the same house. “
Both women lived together. Perhaps it was out of necessary to make ends meet. We don’t know. Many mothers live in group homes, public housing, have had stints in homeless shelters, or are living in non-traditional single-parent arrangements. Single parent families represent 30% of U.S. households. Where and how you live do not determine what kind of mother you are. In fact, the “un-ideal” may be a greater commentary on the ideal qualities we want in our mothers: resilience, resolve and resourcefulness. It takes a “Big Momma” to survive a big, bad life.
So, a real mother may not be what we think she should be. She may not have the best career or living arrangement. You may not fit into the world’s model either. But misfit does not mean unfit. So, what does qualify momma to be called “Big Momma?
The real mother that qualifies to be called “Big Momma” must have some qualities that distinguish her as the one who gives her children a chance for a life. First, the real mother knows her children according to verse 21:
“But when I examined him carefully in the morning, I realized it was not my baby.”
The real mother knows her child: their cries, the fears, talents and temperament. And this kind of familiarity can only come with time spent with their child. Absentee mothers, career-driven mothers who spend more time climbing the corporate ladder than changing dirty diapers, may miss the window of opportunity when bonding is more important than the board room. This is not to say that career-advance ability has to be taken off the table. But imprinting and making impressions on your children is as powerful as career promotions because “the hand that “rocks the cradle, rules the world.”
These two women were with their babies, but one really knew their child.
My mother instinctively knew I had the gift of gab rather than the gift of athletic abilities. So, she directed and supported me to “be on program” at school. Her knowing me set me on a career path of television, advertising and communications. Thank you “Big Mama Margie.”
Real mothers are also willing to speak up for her child when their child is at risk. When Solomon sought to solve this dilemma of “who’s the real mother” by threatening to cut the baby in half with a sword, the real mother’s instincts took over. Look at verse 26a:
“The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king..." 26a
Real mothers speak up out of the instinct of love. They speak up, out of love, at school board meetings when school policy is about politics rather than promoting the child’s potential like the mother who went to bat for her son’s right to wear dreds. Real mothers, out of love, go to parent-teacher conferences when their children’s gender is under attack. Compassionate mothers also speak up when their “little angels” aren’t acting so angelic. “Big Mama” gets in their child’s face to get in their ear to drown out the world vying for an audience with your child to pitch guns, gangs and drugs.
Compare Big Mommas who speak up out of love on behalf of their children to the “small mommas” who speak out of an instinct of ignorance like the Michigan mother who encouraged her son to use guns illegally. She gave him a gun and told him to be careful in sneaking it into his high school. It’s no wonder that the son, Ethan Crumbley killed four class mates and wounded nine. A judge ordered the mother (and father) to stand trial for manslaughter, and rightfully so. Some mothers speak violence and ignorance into their children. Are we not surprised that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?
Real mothers, out of love, ask the necessary questions of their children: “Where you going? Who will you be with? When will you be home? A silent mom, a lenient mom will have to pay for their silence when their child stands in a court room someday to hear a judge read a verdict over them.
Risky times are speak-up time. I saw a blue jay giving a cat holy hell because he got too close to her nest. That instinct in momma bird is in “Big Mommas”.
Finally, the real mother is willing to make the toughest sacrifices for her child to have a life. Look at verse 26b:
Give her the baby the baby! Don’t kill him!” But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two.”
Big Momma is the one who is willing to make the big sacrifice so her children live and not die. She is willing to forgo a promotion to promote her children. She is willing to take an extra job, so her child can have an extra tutor. Big Momma is willing to, even ru into a burning house or jump under a car to save their child. That is the real mom, “Big Momma” style.
The result of the outspoken mother’s willingness to “give up her child” to save her child was all wise King Solomon needed to determine who was the real mother. She received back her baby alive and well.
Moses’s mother did the same. Jochebed received her son back because she was willing to cast him down the River Nile in a basket into the hands of God. That son, Moses, became the Prince of Egypt, the Leader of Exodus, and the Receiver of the Ten. Commandments.
Imagine the sacrifices Thalia Thornton made in foster-parenting 700 children. Even more so, calculate the return on her investments in the lives she touched as a Big Mama. The cradles she rocked now rock the world in ways we will never know.
Imagine the sacrifices Janice and Theresa have sown into of the lives of Natasha and Angelina. As a church, you’ve had a hand in mothering these two as well. You are first-hand witnesses of its benefits. One is now a nurse who knows the touch of real mothers. She will bless the health and healing of many for years to come. And who knows what God will do with the one of few words, but great creative gifts.
We all have the capacity to be mothers, to defy stereotypes, to know children, to speak up for them in love and make the hard, necessary sacrifices, whatever the costs, to save children and bless them.
As Maya Angelo said, “They may not remember your name, but they will never forget how you make them feel. Go be a “Big Mama.”
appy Mother’s Day.
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